did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
