Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
