Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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