..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish they made helmets for livers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
