Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
