remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize