there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
