i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
