ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
