my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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