I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
