My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
