i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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