so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
