YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
