It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
