so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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