In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So apparently I’m into choking now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize