I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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