WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dick very happy bro
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
