Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
