Betty ford says i'm here all night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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