I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm too high and old for this...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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