You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You did what with his pubic hair?
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