Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
