If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
