That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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