I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
