Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
