If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
