Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
