How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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