I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
