thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
