Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
