I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
