I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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