you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
