home. puking in laundry basket.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
