it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
