she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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