Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
