I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize