You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
