Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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