If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize