idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
