doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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