So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the day after is always just damage control
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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