Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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