My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
