I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize