sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
