the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
