honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
