i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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