Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
