Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So squirting runs in the family.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
