I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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