Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
