i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
