dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
