i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
