What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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