how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The air taste purple.
Randomize