The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
