well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
